Woman jokes

What moans about women but wouldn't exist without them? A triggered menimist.

Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Wanna hear a joke? Women have no rights!

Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!

What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Who's the smallest wife??

Micro-wife.

I work at a bank and an old woman asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.

What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?

A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!

An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.

The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."

One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they're ugly and smell bad.

"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."

"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you haven't told her twice.