Swimming Pool jokes
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
What goes inside and comes out wet?
What do you call a bunch of bald paki in a swimming pool? Coco pops.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
What do you call a pool full of disabled people?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
What do you call a kid in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.
What's written on the bottom of a Belgian swimming pool?
"No smoking."