Mo

kid: #1: You're adopted. kid#2: At least they wanted me. kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

I was outside digging a six foot hole, when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

I'm as straight as a rainbow

regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist

Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something