New Wife Jokes - Page 7 - Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?

Adolf Hit Her

my wife said i had no sense of direction.... so i packed my sh*t and right

My wife told me I could never ever build a car out of spaghetti , you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta

A man marries a blonde chick, live a happy life together and the man asks his wife if she wants kids she says "yes". So, a couple years go by, they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question"

It was raining sadly all day my wife my 2 daughters and me stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died

Wife:😭😭😭I wish this never happened

Mia our first daughter: momy it’s ok I love whenever I see you🥰🥰

Abby our second daughter: I love u all only if you guys die I won’t but I love you when ur alive 😉😏

Me husband: what kind of nonsense was that you love us when we’re alive but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓

Everyone except abby: abby this is serious mommy’s mother and father died. says Mia: yes your mom is sadly down right now you made her more sad😡🤬.says dad:sniffs* abby I had made a discussion I will take to an orphanage I am sorry 😣 when I amd better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back.says mom:

This was not a joke I just did this for Love 💕

My wife is pregnant with a 3 year old so I gave her medicine but now she’s pregnant with a 5 year old

My wife is pregnant but when we get to doctors something happened..........

What happened?

A:the husband is pregnant too with someone else’s baby not the wife’s baby but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer. washer $ 249.95 dryer $ 199.95

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess so i got drunk and drove through the tunnel

Wife: looks in the mirror Wife: i look fat can you say something positive husband: at least your eyes work

ssundee: If this video gets to 100k likes ill post part 2 SSUNDEE WIFE: SHUT THE #### UP

Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked

A: Why are you so sad? B: I was watching porn and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off.

JFK was so popular he was banged in front of his Wife

john walk into pat at the barn he was dancing nacked in front of a tractor john said hey pat what you doing pat said well me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed so I went to a therapist and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)