Politician jokes
Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
What is meals on wheels to a Christian nationalist that is also a conservative Republican politician, a gay man in a wheelchair that is poor and also physically handicapped, and who is also well-endowed?
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
What’s a money-hungry politician's favorite place?
Jew York.
What's Elizabeth Warren's nickname?
Pocahontas
There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.
An orange jumpsuit that is :)
What do Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib all have in common?
All four of them are garbage.
There is a young lady.
She is beautiful.
She got much vote.
But she speaks very fast.
Does she think she looks smart doing that?
She makes me feel bad.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?
I hear it hurt like hell.