Politician

Politician Jokes

Pig

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

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  • God

    Why did God make pigs before politicians?

    He just needed some practice.

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  • People

    Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.

    Nationalist

    What is meals on wheels to a Christian nationalist that is also a conservative Republican politician, a gay man in a wheelchair that is poor and also physically handicapped, and who is also well-endowed?

    Jumpsuit

    There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.

    An orange jumpsuit that is :)

    Minister

    What do a politician and a minister have in common?

    Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

    Difference

    What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?

    A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.

    Thief

    A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."

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  • Vacation

    Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."

    Donald Trump

    Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!

    Your move, Ron DeSantis.

    Sodomite

    What do you get when you cross a panhandler, a politician, a lobbyist, a prostitute, a sodomite, and a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion?

    Government

    I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.

    I've seen too many of them get elected.

    Tragedy

    A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

    One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

    A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

    "Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

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  • Side

    Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

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