My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
How did Anakin get away with cheating?
By choking on his wife!
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.