Wife

Wife jokes

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?

"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."