My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
