A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.
North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
Hello everybody, now who here have watched Skurry?
Time for a Terraria joke.
What is a worm called when it is with a rich worm for his money?
A gold digger.
(play the game or watch some vids to understand)
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
Why can't an orphan watch T.V.?
Because it can't find the home button.
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
