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Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don’t get them!

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

My life is a joke.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.

Immigration jokes just cross the line.

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

Why did little sally fall of the swings? Because she had no arms What did sally get for Christmas? Gloves! Only joking…she still hasn’t opened the box

Why couldn’t the T-Rex clap?

Because he’s dead.

Why did Mary fall off the swings? She got hit by a refrigerator

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!

What’s green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him

What do you call a man with no Body and no nose

Nobody nose

why did the cat meow because its a cat,And they meow

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? – A cross.