Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'
Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.