Watch jokes

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

Me: "The villain has a point, you know."

Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

"Hold my beer, watch this."

You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!

What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.

Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.

Should cishet people REALLY be watching Ranboo?

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!

Which one do you want to watch? 😀"

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.

There’s no hope.

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.