Watch jokes

What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)

It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.

Me: "The villain has a point, you know."

Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

"Hold my beer, watch this."

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!

Which one do you want to watch? 😀"

What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?

I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.

What did one twin say to the other?

"Watch out for the plane!"

What did the cow 🐄 watch? moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooovies 😂🐄🖥

Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.

There’s no hope.

What do you call the heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson?

Jeffrey Epstein.

What is one dream that Michael Joseph Jackson made come to life? He loved to say: "Somebody's watching me."

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.

Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.

He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.

When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.

It happened too fast, he watched the very last.

Next he died, eaten all fried.