Pistol

Pistol Jokes

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe. (Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers each person spins it and try not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not you point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger)

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?' ''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom " "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit". "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife". "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"

Me:how does this thing work? ForTnite kid: oh u don’t know how to use a pistol look I’ll show you ForTnitekid: shoots foot Me: that wasn’t a very good demonstration

dont treat her like a gold pump when shes treating you like a grey pistol, put down a launch pad and rotate 💯

i asked a man i was the fastest gun in the west. he said my 17 wasn't good enough. after that, a lot of lead went into his head.

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

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I tell a man get me a glock 19 he comes back with a glove i was about to shout at him but then i saw a pistol in his pocket so i left and thanked him

" I heard a noise in the basement! I'm gonna go to my friends house and play Minecraft with him until the noise I heard goes away." " I heard a noise in the basement. I'm gonna go down there with a bazooka and thirty thousand rounds of pistol ammo and fifty thousand pistols."

Said no horror movie character ever

and also GTA logic

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

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“Remember switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading.” - Sun Tzu, The Art of War