Violence

Violence jokes

Knife

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

Victim

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

Girl

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

Daycare

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.

Kid

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

Baby

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Guy

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

Bullet

Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?

Because that's the average classroom size.

Shooting

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

Crowbar

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

Gun

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

Santa

What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?

Santa stops at three hoes.