Alien jokes
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
Best chick ever.
Call me at 6969696969.
Hey guys, it's an alien!
What snack do aliens like?
Mars Bars.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
What goes boo in a car with no lips?
Once the aliens was gonna have a party, they had to planet.
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?
Why do humans hate aliens?
Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!
Where do alien cows come from?
- The Milky Way.
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?
Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!
Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).
Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?
Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
What do you call a lesbian alien? A "lesbeening."
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
What type of jam do aliens like?
Space Jam!
Why is E.T. better than an orphan?
Because he found his way home.
What do you call a friend in space?
Space friend.