Violence jokes
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?
An RCXD.
When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.
Bing, bang, boom!
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"