Violence jokes

I'm a rapist.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?

Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?

An RCXD.

If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.