Stab jokes
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
"Knife to meet you all!"
Chuck Norris once stabbed the Terminator with Bruce Lee.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
What do you call a stabbed pig?
Porkchopped.
What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?
Pork Chopped!
Hah, got 'em (I guess)!