Stab Jokes

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

i just found out my ex got stabbed today....lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

My Dr told me "Time heals Wounds ".. So I Stabbed him .... Now we wait.....

There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!

Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.

Mary's mother was a good person why did she die? -because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound.

Knife to meet u all!

Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard...

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

3 people explored the jungles, one was was France, one from Britain, and the other from America. While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However we aren't that heartless so we'll let you choose your deaths." So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head and said "Viva la France" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested for poison and said "For the queen" and drank the poison. Lastly the American asked for a spoon, the tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

What do you call a stabbed pig?

Porkchopped.

What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?

PorkChopped

hah got em (i guess)

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!