Stab Jokes


How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.

in Bad

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait

Bloodcurdling scream

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

a stab wound


i just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

in Bad

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.


A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS”


Monkey Man’s mortuary you stab 'em we slab 'em

in Depression

My Dr told me "Time heals Wounds "… So I Stabbed him … Now we wait…

pro joker

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

in Hospital

There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!


Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.

The American

3 people explored the jungles, one was was France, one from Britain, and the other from America. While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three “You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However we aren’t that heartless so we’ll let you choose your deaths.” So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head and said “Viva la France” and shot himself. The Britain guy requested for poison and said “For the queen” and drank the poison. Lastly the American asked for a spoon, the tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself “Try make a canoe out of this one!”


Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He’s making a list, He’s checking it twice… You better leave out some Vodka with ice!


How do you make any salad int a Cesar salad? you stab it 23 times.


Knife to meet u all!


I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I’m dying to choose.

my therapist told me time heals all wounds. so I stabbed him.

then I waited for the results.


Mary’s mother was a good person why did she die? -because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade


The difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

Isaacs Newton died a virgin.

in Depression

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal so I stabbed him now we wait