Assassination jokes
What's a school shooter's favorite anime?
Assassination Classroom.
CIA: Where's your head at?
JFK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
Nobody:
JFK: :) Hi guys!
JFK's killer: Ayo look at this shit, I just hit a clip.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
How do you make any salad a Caesar salad?
Stab it 23 times!
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
No one.
Absolutely no one.
The History Channel at 11:00 PM: Who really killed JFK?
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
What is black and white and red all over? JFK
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.