Assassination jokes
What's a school shooter's favorite anime?
Assassination Classroom.
Sometimes presidents lose their minds as they get older into their presidency. A good example of this is JFK. He lost his mind everywhere.
The death of JFK must have splattered on the news.
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."
That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
Fun Fact: Did you know JFK's brain was so big it covered a whole entire limousine?
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.
What is white with red all over?...
JFK.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
- JFK