Violence jokes

Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.

Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?

The kids section.

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.

What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?

Hitting it off with a cricket bat.