Violence jokes
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.