Violence jokes
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.