Violence jokes

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?

Dying alone.

What does lmao launching missiles at orphanage mean?

I don't know, but it's messed up.

Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes! Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher? An erection.

(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!

(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*

(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*

At this moment, he knew he fucked up.

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.