Violence jokes

When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄

Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.

What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.

What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.

What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.

What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.

Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

What's a rapist's fav position?

Missionary in a dark corner.

What’s red and very rare?

A baby in a blender.

What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that?

The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.

What's worse than that?

The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...

He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.