Violence jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.

When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.

What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.

I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that?

The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.

What's worse than that?

The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.

What’s red and very rare?

A baby in a blender.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...

He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.