Violence jokes

What does a terrorist get for Christmas?

A C4.

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Wait, they don't have any.

Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.

Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?

A. His mom threw an oven at him.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.

Kill yourself, hoes!

Roses are red, Larry is bad.

I'VE GOT A GUN, get in the van!

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

So I was at a class at school, and then boom, explosion. Lots of dead.

I shoot at the people too, haha, goodbye class. Scary.