Violence jokes

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.

Little Johnny paints them black.

Little Johnny went to a gun store.

Little Johnny made a big mess.

The cemetery people were getting paid.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Wait, they don't have any.

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

What does a terrorist get for Christmas?

A C4.

Watersharky pega Gwen.

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.

Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.