Violence jokes

Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Wait, they don't have any.

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.

Little Johnny paints them black.

Little Johnny went to a gun store.

Little Johnny made a big mess.

The cemetery people were getting paid.

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

How to be a hero.

1. Tie a noose in your front yard.

2. Find and capture a furry.

3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.

It’s easy as 1-2-3!

My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

What does a terrorist get for Christmas?

A C4.

Watersharky pega Gwen.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.