Violence jokes

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.

Little Johnny paints them black.

Little Johnny went to a gun store.

Little Johnny made a big mess.

The cemetery people were getting paid.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Wait, they don't have any.

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

Watersharky pega Gwen.

How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.

What does a terrorist get for Christmas?

A C4.

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

Kill yourself, hoes!

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Roses are red, Larry is bad.

I'VE GOT A GUN, get in the van!

What did the cannibal say to the other?

"Can I practise on you?"

One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.

Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?

Him: No, have you seen where it is?

Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.

Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?

Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*

Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.

Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?