Violence jokes
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."
Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.
Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
Watersharky pega Gwen.
Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Roses are red, Larry is bad.
I'VE GOT A GUN, get in the van!
What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
Kill yourself, hoes!