Violence jokes
What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?
Go shoot up the school.
What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
Kill yourself, hoes!
Roses are red, Larry is bad.
I'VE GOT A GUN, get in the van!
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?
Him: No, have you seen where it is?
Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.
Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?
Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*
Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.
Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?
You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.
So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.
This didn't actually happen.
Did you hear about the bank robber?
Turns out he got shot by the police.
And he wound up in prison.
Why did Bob Ross die?
Because the paint brush stabbed him.
Why did I shoot my dog?
Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎