911 whats your emergency? Me: Officer My Girlfriend is dead! Operator: What Happened!? Me: She Bit The Tip
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? The cabinet had sleeping pills.
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
Ran out of toilet paper so had to start using lettuce leaves...today was the tip of the iceberg
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park. "Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate! The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
I have an exam next week so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips
Top tip; if your wife asks "what would you like to do to my body?" 'identify it' is the wrong answer
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor? The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where saint Peter greets them hello sisters welcome to heaven before you enter I must ask you all a question he asks the first nun have you ever touched a penis well she said just once with the tip of my little finger ok dip it in the holy water and you can enter he repeats the question to the second nun well she says I might of held one once ok says st Peter wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter just then there's a commotion down the line one nun is trying to push in front of another st Peter says sister Susan there is no rush you will get in that's fine she replys but if I have to gargle that stuff I want to get in before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills so he asks the bartender if its a jar of tips. The bartender says no, its for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, well if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month. So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog, when all is silent the man walks in and asks, so where is the fat lady with the tooth?
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill? She was to used to grabbing the tip.
pro tip kids, you CAN hit an orphan because they cant cry to their parents
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for your self. Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for your self be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for your self and others if they need it. Best-Gwen
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Pro tip: how to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make you child hold the nail.
Good lord, any tips on how to kidnap children. I say free candy and they run
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
Study tip: laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears
me before: why do bandanas exist they ugly me after seeing ur hairline: oh i seee me giving pro tip: get a bandana LMAO
Health and safety tips: looking at your hairline is hazardous, for your best interest please look away.
