"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
People are pushing for a new black lady liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again
i was watching my son play at the park and a lady asked me. "which one is yours" and for fun i said "i don't know i'm still choosing".
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street",
This homeless lady called me ugly so I told her “ok then imma just go on home”
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady she asked which kid is mine and I responded I haven't decided yet
Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of...
An old lady walks into an adoption centre and the lady that runs the business says “Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!”
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
A lady walks in to a dentists office, sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the lady replies; last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn't know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
A lady runs into a police station and yells "help, help". I've been graped then a police officer says "Do you mean raped". The girl then replies "No there was a bunch of em".
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what's so sad and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's head before they died". I replied "probably a bullet", she gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent's heads", I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
2 boys were at a lake and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady, one ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran, the boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, I ran away because I felt something get hard"
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners
The lady says, "Come Again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head ?
mummy
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock? -- She started her period.
