Damage jokes

Yo momma so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the floor cracked up.

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked across the floor, she fell through it.

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else…

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.

What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."