Violence jokes

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.

Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.

Little Johnny paints them black.

Little Johnny went to a gun store.

Little Johnny made a big mess.

The cemetery people were getting paid.

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Wait, they don't have any.

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.