Violence jokes

Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.

Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!

Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?

A. His mom threw an oven at him.

What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.

Why'd my grandpa fall over?

'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!

Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.