Violence jokes

Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.

Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

Watersharky pega Gwen.

How to be a hero.

1. Tie a noose in your front yard.

2. Find and capture a furry.

3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.

It’s easy as 1-2-3!

My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."