Violence jokes

What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.

Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

How to be a hero.

1. Tie a noose in your front yard.

2. Find and capture a furry.

3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.

It’s easy as 1-2-3!

How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.

Watersharky pega Gwen.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

What does a terrorist get for Christmas?

A C4.

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

Why'd my grandpa fall over?

'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.