Violence jokes

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

How to be a hero.

1. Tie a noose in your front yard.

2. Find and capture a furry.

3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.

It’s easy as 1-2-3!

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.

What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

Statistics show 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

Roses are red, Larry is bad.

I'VE GOT A GUN, get in the van!