Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
Ups Jokes
What goes up but never goes down?
My grades.
(I wish)
Why are people so worked up about 9/11? They were just playing Jenga.
Sorry for this Pick Up Line.
Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.
Never gonna give you up.
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"
Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
Why did Hitler go for handicap?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
If this pops up on your timeline, fuck you!
My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.
What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
