Ups jokes

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

Ha ha! Get rickrolled!

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!

Jeff crosses the US border.

The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.

Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."

I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.

No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.

Annabeth: "Percy, whaters up with you?"

Why did you and Sarah break up?

'Cause she cheetahed on me.

What goes up but never goes down?

My grades.

(I wish)

Why are people so worked up about 9/11? They were just playing Jenga.

Sorry for this Pick Up Line.

Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.

Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.

That shit was trash. You can't handle me.

Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?

How do you cause an African parade?

You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!