Ups jokes
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.
As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.
Why can't two eggs tell jokes?
Because they will crack each other up!
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.
What did the rapper say to his shoes?
"You better lace up!"
How do you know if a rapper is lying?
His rhymes don't add up.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
Why did the rapper take up gardening?
Because they wanted to GROW their FLOW.
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.
I thought a few hits would cheer him up!
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
What's up with airline food?
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.