Ups jokes

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.

Why couldn’t the bike stand up?

Because it was “two tired”!

Hi, my name isn't Pi.

Look up at the sky and wonder why.

Why are you alive?

Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.

Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

Why can't I have any chocolate ice cream for dessert? Because I made it disappear up your ass for good.

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."

"Did I do that?"

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

So I threw him out the window!

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

This is what the unknown guy is saying about Tenya and Kenya!

Go to each link and read it and the comments, and it will really make you cry!

http://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603fb240eccd25122cb21997/kenya-will-end-up-all-alone

https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603fa7beeccd25122cb2197b/fine-then-if-i-cant-do-gwen-then-i-guess http://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603fbb2aeccd25122cb219a5/kenya-at-least-you-know-youre-ugly-and-accept-itit-is-tenya-and-kenya-twin-sisters

You think Gwen is the worst one to get bullied? Well look at this!

We are having a sleepover and we are being as quiet as possible.

Addison: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THOSE ARE GREAT JOKES!!!

Layne: IKR

Mom: SHUT UP, YOUR BROTHER IS TRYING TO SLEEP.

Addison: ok fine.

Layne: Look at this joke.

Addison: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

*Addison and Layne continue laughing really loudly*

Hahaha. These eggs surely crack me up!

I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!

If you give this a thumbs down, you're gay. If you give it a thumbs up, you're straight.

Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

Will: Yey!

Beverly: What should we bring him?

Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!