Ups Jokes

Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

Sorry man... I kinda messed those things up.

Addison Banks Age (8)

"I'm a little brat who won't shut the hell up! And stop talking!"

2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.

2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.

...

A black square with the text: "BOOBS are like kids toys.. they are fun to play with, but they eventually end up in the mouth" written in white.

Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?

People are so f***ed up. I belated "Frickin' BTW!"

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.