Ups jokes
I have had it up to here with you.
(Then there Hight.)
Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Well.
What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?
Blue Jay Simpson!
We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.
What's a deaf kid's favorite words?
"Shut up."
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?
He woke up and found out it was true.
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
I've been drinking from a tall cup.
His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?