Ups jokes

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

Are you George Floyd?

'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!

You know this joke really cracks up my bones!

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"

He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

Me.

You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

Yo mama so fat that Hannibal Lecter couldn't eat her up.

So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."

When you get caught about to shoot up the school,

*slowly puts AR to chin*

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."

Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"

Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.

It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.