What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car? Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

• in Washington D.C.

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

“But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?” Asks one of the guests.

“Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What is blue but smells like red paint?

• Blue paint

The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, “OH! THE HUMANATEE!”

My young son saw trump on TV he asked “Why is the man on TV painted orange?” I replied “Son when Russia pays that much for equipment, They don’t want it to rust”

What did the two paintings say after a long battle? Lets call this one a draw

A boat carrying red paint ando a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned

What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette

Q, Why did the elephant paint his toenails red? A, To hide up cherry trees. Q, What’s the loudest noise in the jungle? A, Giraffes eating cherries.

What do Painters and Prostitutes have in common? They’re both paid for a good finish…

How to decorate a wall:

Strip of the paper and original plaster

put on fresh plaster and wall paper

paint it (if you want)

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply

I asked my dad , Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head? He replied, Because I thought it would look like hares

This is a inside jokes for my friend Caiden…

HEY WHERE’D YOU GET THAT PAINT FROM? HA PAINT!!!

A father and a son were painting pictures together, the son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T and the son said “what happened to your hand?” looking at the scar tissue near the father’s knuckle, the father replied with “you know what happened, you were there.” the son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings - they’re exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there’s only one painting.

Did you hear about the dead artist

Too many strokes