The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say "black paint" anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall?"
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
