What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car? Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

“But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?” Asks one of the guests.

“Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, “OH! THE HUMANATEE!”

How to decorate a wall:

Strip of the paper and original plaster

put on fresh plaster and wall paper

paint it (if you want)

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply

What is blue but smells like red paint?

  • Blue paint

What did the two paintings say after a long battle? Lets call this one a draw

The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

A boat carrying red paint ando a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned

Did you hear about the dead artist

Too many strokes

I asked my dad , Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head? He replied, Because I thought it would look like hares

Q, Why did the elephant paint his toenails red? A, To hide up cherry trees. Q, What’s the loudest noise in the jungle? A, Giraffes eating cherries.

This is a inside jokes for my friend Caiden…

HEY WHERE’D YOU GET THAT PAINT FROM? HA PAINT!!!

What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic? Where do you keep the cans of paint?

A father and a son were painting pictures together, the son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T and the son said “what happened to your hand?” looking at the scar tissue near the father’s knuckle, the father replied with “you know what happened, you were there.” the son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings - they’re exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there’s only one painting.

Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”

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