Ups jokes

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

What type of bee can't make up his mind?

A maybe.

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?

An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

You know why eggs can't tell jokes?

They crack each other up!

I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”