Ups jokes

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

You know why eggs can't tell jokes?

They crack each other up!

I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"

Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?

Because there is a family reunion.

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.

What's a deaf kid's favorite words?

"Shut up."

An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

I've been drinking from a tall cup.

His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

I have had it up to here with you.

(Then there Hight.)

Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?

They only have 4.

What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?

Stand-up comedy.

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!