So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.
What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls? - They blow themselves up.
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.
