An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
Ups Jokes
Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
Why does Adolf hate golf?
He ended up in the bunker.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
Yo mamma's so fat no one was laughing, but the ground was cracking up.
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
Kevin Woody (look him up)
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
I love stairs. They always bring me up.
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
What did the rapper say to the SANDWICH?
"Wrap it up!"
