Ups jokes

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

What type of bee can't make up his mind?

A maybe.

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!

These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?

Because there is a family reunion.

I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.

So I got another one free of charge.

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

What's a deaf kid's favorite words?

"Shut up."

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.

An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.