A man went to the library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said, "Go away, you won’t bring it back."
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
What do you call a gang of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
