Grave jokes

Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

Patient: What's the good news?

Doctor: I've got you flowers.

Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?

Doctor: They're for your grave.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.

Mom: Shut up and keep digging.

I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

[being buried alive]

Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

What is Beethoven doing now?

Decomposing.

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

What was on Stephen Hawking's gravestone? "Intel inside."

Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.