Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
What was on Stephen Hawking's gravestone? "Intel inside."
It's a grave mistake to talk badly about the death.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
