Ups jokes

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

What did the rapper say to the SANDWICH?

"Wrap it up!"

Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

What's a deaf kid's favorite words?

"Shut up."

We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?

Batter up!

Why do high tides come up so high?

Because they come up to say hi.

Yo mamma's so fat no one was laughing, but the ground was cracking up.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.

Did you get seafood without me?

What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?

A period.

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."