Worst Jokes Ever

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣

Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?

Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.