I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Worst Jokes Ever
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
