Waiter jokes

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?

Frisk: One knife, plz.

Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.

Waiter: You eat a knife?

Frisk: Yes.

*Waiter asking for one knife*

Waiter: Here you go.

Frisk: Thanks you.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date? Because he didn't want to see the bill.

What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.

What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.

The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"

The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"

I replied, "As soon as possible!"

"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Do you have frog's legs?"

"Why, yes."

"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?

Spareribs!

Waiter: Can I have your order?

Me: No, it’s mine!

What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?

A disorder.

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"

The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.

The waiter said, "What's that?"

I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."