Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
What does Michael Jackson do with his meat? "Just beat it". His song btw lol.
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
Yo mama is so ugly she's the reason why Batman fights crime at night.