Worst Jokes Ever
You know why emos get excited playing Minecraft? They see a creeper.
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
After 12, it's lunch. 😂
What instrument can a skeleton not play? An organ!
What instrument can a skeleton play? A Trombone!
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.