A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Why can’t orphans get married?
Because they were already given away.
what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
If I'm racist to everybody, am I even racist?
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. They got plane.
Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
What's the difference between a baby and a potato? 140 calories.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
But wait, what family? He never had one.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
