Worst Jokes Ever
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
Tamalito.
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."