Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and your mom?
A suicide bomber doesn't abort their mission like your mom did when she had you.
A man walks into a bar and places a 12-inch man onto the counter as well as a small piano. The 12-inch man starts playing the piano really well.
The bartender asks the man where he got the 12-inch man. The man says there is a genie two blocks around the corner.
The bartender runs to the genie and makes a wish. The bartender comes back with 1 million ducks. The bartender says to the man, "That genie is dumb! I asked for 1 million bucks."
The man says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
How do you keep a blind person entertained? Give them a piece of sandpaper and tell them it’s a word.
Why do Black people go to church so much?
Because the priest is the only father they know.
What’s the best way to stop diarrhea in India?
With a butt plug.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
What was the difference between the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic?
Federal Republic: The harder you work, the more you get.
Democratic Republic: The harder you work, the firmer the handshake and nothing else.
What is the motto of left-wing authoritarianism?
We don't have one, so you don't need one.
Which game do socialists hate the most?
Monopoly.
What does a pizza man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both scrape the cheese out of the box for a nice snack.
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.
Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.
What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.
If Asians have face scanners... do they all have the same face scanner?
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. What happened to freedom of speech?
What’s the most positive thing in Africa?
Their HIV test.
I thought Gastown was in Vancouver, not in Wilkie, Saskatchewan.
Tracy Latimer was described as cheerful, popular at school, and as an animal lover.
Just trying to gas her up a little bit.
Who is Tracy Latimer's least favourite Beauty and the Beast character?
GASton.
I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.
It was a gas.
There are so many things about Tracy Latimer's murder that I wish I knew. Did he buckle up her seatbelt? Did he put the radio on for her?
Did he tell her she was going on a little trip to Gastown?
Who is Tracy Latimer's least favourite actor?
Vin Diesel.