My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
My favorite meme is, "N_gga."
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?
I finally know why my brain doesn't work!
On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.
Now I got a 31 on the ACT.
I'd tell a Luigi joke but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
Q. what do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head? A. An ambulance.
Incest. When your genealogy chart is a straight line.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
"Others, Morris, Sal, Sal, Rasuba Marid, Things!"
My son is broken: "I think at home!"
Happiness!
Q .What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO? A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
