My son is starting to ask questions about where he came from.
He was conceived ten years ago when I was working for the AISH office. I was walking to my car after a shift when I was gang-raped by three guys.
Statistically any one of them could be his father.
I'm really worried about traumatizing him if I tell him how he was conceived.
How am I supposed to tell him I used to be an AISH worker?
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
*walks in store* OH LITTle debhehe's!
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.
Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
What show has something orphans will never have?
American Dad!
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
