What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Worst Jokes Ever
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...
...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.
I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.
You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”
Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.
When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?