I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. -- Which makes me an eighth theist.
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the lysol didn't kill.
Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.
Me: hey friend!
Friend: yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, Smelling, _, Tasting, Hearing.
Friend: Touch
Me: what do u spawn on Minecraft always (jk only 99.99pursent)
Friend: Grass
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass
If you drink hand sanitizer does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........š
97 percent of women.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed. Me: If your only counting me. 100%
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
By the way my Grandma told me this one
Yesterday on the school bus my freind infront of me said she was 41% irish and 15% Mexican then my freind siting next to me said āwow almost half leprechaunā then I said āyeah and 15 percent wall climberā
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over hear at a discounted 75 percent off. Customer: Okay? What's the catch. That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top of the line urns and will keep your loved ones remains secure and dry. Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep these have only been used once so it's is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives. condoms 99 percent effective birth controll 99 percent effective ect just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time ( only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Whatās a Germanās favorite drink, orange jews. Hundred percent concentrated.
I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2.
my cousinn called me ugly well im pritty shure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a kleanex
š¤ š š What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent? Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!!
