Worst Jokes Ever
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
Like if you know someone is emo.
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap? "Just beat it, just beat it."
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.