Worst Jokes Ever

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?

My dick!

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?

Yeah, neither have they.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

What game does an emo hate the most?

Cut the Rope.

Do you know Imagine Dragons?

Yeah.

Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.

Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.

What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?

At least Hitler actually did something.

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.