Worst Jokes Ever
My gf dumped me, so I took her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pizza, but all they got was plane.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...
Oh, wait.