Worst Jokes Ever
Do you know Candice?
Nope.
Candice dick fit in your mouth.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
What do you call a special police officer?
Officer down!
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.