Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the kid drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?

If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

Click the 👍 if you hate school.

Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.

The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.

So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.

1 hour before:

So let me get...

Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!

Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*

I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.

What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?

They both hang.

I can find the end of time before I find your hairline.