Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Grasshopper

  • A grasshopper jumps into a bar.

    The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."

    The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"

  • 1
  • Depression

  • Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

    Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

    Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

  • 0
  • Johnny Depp

  • What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

    Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

  • 3
  • Arrest

  • I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

  • 1
  • School

  • My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

    "That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

  • 2
  • Cow

  • A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

    "Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

  • 1