Worst Jokes Ever
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
THIS IS A RHYME
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.
Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,
and they had a little fun.
Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
What is Hitler's favorite game?
Nahtzee.
What's an orphan's least favorite movie?
Home.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
Error code 404. "Will to live" not found.
Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
Why do orphans eat water with their cereal? Because their father never came home with milk.
What do you call a rich Chinese man? Ching Ching.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.