Worst Jokes Ever
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually, I shouldn't spread it.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
Get up, you lazybones!
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.