Worst Jokes Ever
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.
What are kidnappers' favorite shoes? White vans.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
Best political joke... Joe Biden.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.