Worst Jokes Ever
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn't see that well.
Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buy KFC = 1 more orphan in our fryers.
Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?