Worst Jokes Ever
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What is Michael Jackson's favorite instrument? Little skin flutes.
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
I tried to catch fog, I mist...
What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?
Kids play with both of them.
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"
What is a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.