Worst Jokes Ever
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?
"What's up, cock?"
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
What do you call the whole population turning into emos?
The Great Depression.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
What do you call a group of emos? Suicide Squad.
George Floyd is truly breathtaking.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!