Worst Jokes Ever
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!
What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
"Explain bear is a homosexual, confirmed."
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
Why does the ice cream have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.