
Worst Jokes Ever
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
What do orphans be on Halloween?
They be themselves.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.
Which fish is the most famous?
The star fish!
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?
A: They are not wanted.
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"
His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."
A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
Q: Why do orphans love playing tennis?
A: Because the ball comes back.
What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?
- One dead baby in five garbage cans.
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.