Worst Jokes Ever
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.
Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."