Worst Jokes Ever
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Why do orphans suck at GTA? Because they don't know how to be wanted.
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something.
what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?
Flat neck road.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
What’s another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Frankey.
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.