Worst Jokes Ever

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.

Why the f was my shooting joke removed? It was funny, and this is obviously a website for morbid humor. WTF, I mean, worstjokesever.com. Come on...

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?

dead.

I like Cheetos.

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

Billy: *spits out food*

Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

Dad: *looks at mom*

Mom: Shut up.

If you get it, you get it.

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?

Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

What do you call a bear without an ear?

B.

Where do otters come from? Otter space.