Worst Jokes Ever
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
I'm logging out.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
What type of car did Hitler drive? A gas-guzzler.
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.