Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?
White Vans.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
How do you get your grass to cut itself?
Make it depressed.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
Guys, don’t let nobody hurt you with words.
Like someone once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."