Worst Jokes Ever
What’s Stephan Hawking's favorite dance move?
The robot.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
So they can be wanted for once.