Worst Jokes Ever
I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
How do you get an emo kid to jump?
A bridge.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
What do you call a special police officer?
Officer down!
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"