Worst Jokes Ever
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."
Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.