Worst Jokes Ever
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.