Worst Jokes Ever
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
Kid: Are you gay?
Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
What's black and white?
History.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to go to KFC.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth