Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man that is homophobic into giving him a brojob?
The gay man puts mustard on his dick and then puts his dick inside a glory hole.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.