Worst Jokes Ever
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and feminism? The Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists, while feminism was created by terrorists.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Your hairline is so far back, I wrote a summary about it.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"
My life is so sad it's because you're in it.
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.