Worst Jokes Ever
Gan cube prices?
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months?
He lost May.
The depressed kid went to high five the tree... but the tree left them hanging.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 🦶 taller?
So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Spread your legs and give me an hour.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?