Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
Do you think midgets start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.