Worst Jokes Ever
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? 'Cause they're dead.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because it has no home button.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
Here's a sex joke.
What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them.
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.