Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What was the orphan's first phone?
A: The iPhone X because it had no home button.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Official flag of Great Britain? The Union Jack.
Official flag of Australia? The Southern Cross.
Official flag of Canada? The Maple Leaf.
Official flag of Japan? The Sun.
Official flag of Orange County, California? The Nazi Symbol.
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
Why can't two Asians have a white kid?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."