Worst Jokes Ever
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Yo mama is so dumb, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lion 🦁.
Lion who?
Lion again, aren't you?