Worst Jokes Ever
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "Sad"
Teacher: "Anyway, is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.