Worst Jokes Ever
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
Q: Can orphans hit a home run?
A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea food.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
I'm in the year 1930...
The Great Depression.
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A: Stoners have papers.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!