Worst Jokes Ever
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.
Everyone loves orphans,
other than their parents of course.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."
Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.