Worst Jokes Ever
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
Fat people are the reason we have double doors.
What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence?
Udder destruction.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there, the doctor asks him, "Do you have cancer?" Pinocchio replies, "That was very straight up, but no, I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer." After saying this, his nose grew.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.