Worst Jokes Ever
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
Why don’t orphans and Chinese kids play baseball. The orphans can’t find home and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:
Bullys are depressed.
Nerds are depressed.
Bad girls/boys are depressed.
Kind humans are depressed.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.