Worst Jokes Ever

Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.

I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"

Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.

What do you call a depressed a cappella group?

Self-Harmony.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.

I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

Why did Joe Biden visit Hiroshima? Because the city has the hottest prepubescent girls in the world.

I have a lot of respect for trans women.

That surgery takes balls!

What did one traffic light say to the other?

"Stop looking, I am changing."

What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?

A JUMBO shrimp.

Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?

A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.

What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."

The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.