Worst Jokes Ever
Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
Where do people with no legs go to have fun?
Legnoland.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they can't get a green card.
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.