Worst Jokes Ever
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
What is the highest number?
420.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
Hillary Clinton
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Dark humor is like a cancer, it's funnier when a kid gets it.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
Why did Beyoncé say, "to the left, to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.