Worst Jokes Ever
Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"
Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers? A virgin.
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
A depressed kid went to go high five a tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house? A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
I hate my life.
Life's too short to want it.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.