Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Question: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a puzzle in 5 months?

Answer: The box said 3-5 years!

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

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  • What do turtles and lesbians have in common?

    They both choke on plastic.

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  • I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.

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  • How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.

    A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

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  • Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"

    Orphan: -no response-

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  • Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

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  • I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.

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