Worst Jokes Ever
Why were the twin towers sad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
What do you call a surprised Asian?
Ho Lee Fuc.
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.