Worst Jokes Ever
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
Wanna know what is offensive? I don't know, ask feminist (sans undertale).
Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik’s cubes?
Because they have a history of separating colors.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What is Africa's most famous sport?
The Hunger Games.
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.