Worst Jokes Ever
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.
What is an orphan's favorite period? Homeroom.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
My uncle can't walk straight. I think it's because he's gay.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What is burned dark and glued to the wall?
A bad electrician.
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"