Worst Jokes Ever
Titanic - "Yo, look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, let's hit her!"
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you call Adolf Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can feel wanted.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
Hippity Hoppity, women are property. (sans undertale)