Worst Jokes Ever
Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.
What is Al-Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.
"Explain bear is a homosexual, confirmed."
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Men: "I like dogs."
Women: "I like cats."
Chinese: "Food is food."
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.
Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.
But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
My mom told me that drugs are my enemies... But Jesus said to love my enemies.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.