Worst Jokes Ever
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
a family photo.
What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.