Worst Jokes Ever
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
What pictures do orphans take? Selfies.
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
My family is like treasure. I need a map and shovel to find them.
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.
Why can't an orphan watch the movie:
It was family rated.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
I'm a big fan of white boards. I find them... Remarkable.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.