Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
I would roast you but you're already so hot.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
What is the difference between Drake and Carrie Underwood?
Carrie Underwood kissed a 12-year-old boy on the lips.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.