Worst Jokes Ever
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.