Worst Jokes Ever

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.

If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.

Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.

Chuck Norris didn't join the army, the army joined Chuck Norris.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.

What is an orphan's favorite beer?

"Fosters."

My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.

Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.

What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people.

At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.

What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.

What is the best game for a deaf person?

Charades.