Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
So they can be wanted for once.
What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.