Worst Jokes Ever
Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!
Who are the fastest readers? The victims of 9/11. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
What do you call a gay Eskimo?
A snow blower.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
What has eyes but can't see?
Potatoes, storms, and needles.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
My dad coming back.
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.