Worst Jokes Ever
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Where do suicide bombers go?... Everywhere.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
Why was the orphan so successful?
They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.