Worst Jokes Ever
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan is typing...
Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special Forces.
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
These gags are killing me!
Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?
"No Way Home."