Worst Jokes Ever
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
you.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?
Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?
I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?