Worst Jokes Ever
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, bleach.
what's the difference between apples and orphans? ... the apples get picked.
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.
Astronauts just found water on Mars! Mars: 1. Africa: 0.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.