Worst Jokes Ever
What pizza did the Twin Towers order?
A plain one.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.
What's a rabbit's favorite song?
Hip hop.
Michael Jackson is pure cheese.
I mean, Jacko comes on a little cracker.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
👱♀️ 👱♂️What is the difference between two blondes and a Libertarian?
A Libertarian hasn't won a presidential election since 1972, and two blondes are too stupid to run in a presidential election.
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
What do you call an Indian lesbian?
Mingeeta.