Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.

I gave a blind kid a gun, telling him it was a hair drier.

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

What makes sad people jump? Bridges.

All these jokes really hijacking my mind.

What does a transgender call his/her parent?

Transparent.

What is Beethoven doing now?

Decomposing.

As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>

Why are mountains never serious?

Because they’re hill areas.

Why don't orphans like to get lost?

Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.

Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?

A: A stump.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”