Worst Jokes Ever
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents were...
Man, I love working at an orphanage.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?
"What's up, cock?"
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."
Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.