Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't orphans go on school trips?
"Parents signature _________"
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”
Give a like if I have no friends.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.