Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
Worst Jokes Ever
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
I love all races, even the bad ones.
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Why did the Xbox player cross the road? To render in the buildings.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
