Worst Jokes Ever

If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?

Haaaaaaay!

Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?

A. A boner.

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)

What did the cow say?

Moo!

My boss had the heart of a child.

In a jar. On his desk.

Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.

I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."

What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?

Hop in.

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: I don't know anymore.

Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.

Lady: What did you do?

Man: I took a day off...

You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

Where do otters come from? Otter space.

What do you call a retreat in war?

A backup plan.

What is a pirate's favorite element?

Argon.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.