Worst Jokes Ever

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.

How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip-off.

If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*

How does NASA organize their parties? They planet.

At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.

What do you call the whole population turning into emos?

The Great Depression.

I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.

Why don't midgets use tampons?

Answer: They are always tripping over the string.

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.

My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.