Worst Jokes Ever
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither of 'em can see their parents.
I wanna die.
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.