Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles.

  • 2

    • Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

    Feminists: Correct.

    Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

    What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?

    Others: R.

    Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.

    Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

    Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

    Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

    So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

    What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

    I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

    What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

  • 6

    • Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

    Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.

    Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.

    My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.