Worst Jokes Ever
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic. Hehe.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."
Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."
Bully: "Haha, nice joke."
Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."
Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."
Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What did the kid say to the emo?
"Don't leave me hanging!"
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?