Worst Jokes Ever
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
My wife is like a mirror.
I can never look at it.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."