Worst Jokes Ever
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
Why wasn’t the moon hungry?
Because it was full!
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What song genre do the national anthems fit into?
Country.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
What did the fish get on his math test?
A sea plus.