Worst Jokes Ever
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
Your adopted.
Wanna hear a joke about the Flash?
"Never mind, it's too fast."
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
My wife is like a mirror.
I can never look at it.
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
What do Hostess Twinkies and the cock of a gay man have in common?
🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍨 🍨 🍨 🍨
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
I'm in the year 1930...
The Great Depression.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
What do we want? Racecar noises!
When do we want them? NEOWWWWW!
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.