Worst Jokes Ever
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
Q: What makes depressed kids jump?
A: Bridges.
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
The toilet paper tried to cross the road. He couldn't because he was stuck in a crack.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
Women suck (GET IT?!)
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.