Worst Jokes Ever
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
If an orphan takes a selfie, isn't it basically a family portrait?
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
Yo mama's so ugly that even Hello Kitty had to say goodbye.
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.