Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What's the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!