Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.

History

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."

A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.