Worst Jokes Ever
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
Why did you go depressed?
Because you’re you.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.
Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
My dad went out for milk. It's been 15 years and I still have to eat my cereal dry.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."