Worst Jokes Ever
Smash or pass?
"Smash," said the iceberg.
TItanic:...
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.