Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Suicide hotline

  • Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

    The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

    The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

    Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

    A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

    "Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

    "My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

    "I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

    "I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

    Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

    "Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

  • 2
  • Child

  • In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

  • 1
  • Johnny

  • Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

  • 1
  • Sugar

  • My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.

  • 0
  • Chicken

  • Why'd the chicken cross the road?

    A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

    (Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

    A: The chicken.

  • 1