Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
BTW, I am one, wahahaa!
Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?
He can't choose between black or white.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
Yo mama is so dumb, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Fun fact: Most of the black holes in the universe are found in Africa!
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.