Worst Jokes Ever
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.
If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named him Sum Ting Wong.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?
A: He got shot.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."