Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Self Harm

  • Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

    Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

  • 3
  • Car dealership

  • Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

    You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

  • 1
  • Zombie

  • I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...

    no one could tell that it was their blood.

  • 0
  • Baby

  • How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

    You nail its other hand to the floor.

  • 1
  • Yo mama

  • Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

  • 1
  • Family

  • Billy: *spits out food*

    Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

    Dad: *looks at mom*

    Mom: Shut up.

    If you get it, you get it.

  • 6
  • Bathroom

  • Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.

    "Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"

    "Yes, Miss Drake."

    "Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."

    "Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."

  • 0