Worst Jokes Ever
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?
Because all the other letters are not Z's.
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
What do you call the whole population turning into emos?
The Great Depression.
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"
His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."
A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
These gags are killing me!
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Is Google a male or female?
Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.
Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?
A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!