Worst Jokes Ever
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost the case.
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?
So he could trump that little bitch!
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
What's the difference between an apple and a child?
The apple gets picked.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
It's not rape if she doesn't say no.
Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"