Worst Jokes Ever
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
Where does Spider-Man keep his pictures?
On a website.
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.
To whoever you are, you are loved.
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
WOW this ultra realistic jenga is awesome!🔥🔥
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
He's not really dead, his update failed.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.