Worst Jokes Ever
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.