Worst Jokes Ever
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
What’s the most played song in Africa?
Have you ever seen the rain?
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up?
He pressed the red button.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
Why did the emo cross the road?
To not get to the other side.
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.