Worst Jokes Ever
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
My favorite joke is my life.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
Damn bro, are you Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cuz you be lookin AuTiSTiC.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?