Worst Jokes Ever
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Jake Paul
Jesus created the T-pose first.
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
Why is America better than Japan at rapping?
Because we're better at dropping bombs.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Why is Sam Ryan a redditor? Because he is.
Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!