Worst Jokes Ever
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
The Arabian Sea is in which state?
Liquid.
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
The Titanic is now a resort for fish.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
What’s the only long-lasting thing from China?
Covid.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."