Worst Jokes Ever

Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:

11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.

9/11 jokes are the bomb.

What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?

Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.

"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."

What is Africa's most famous sport?

The Hunger Games.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

Guys, my sister's pregnant!

I'm finally a dad!

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.

Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.

But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.

I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...

All I got was "error 404 page not found."

What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."