Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because it has no home button.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
Roses are red, fishers are fishing,
I really hope you’ll be reported missing.
I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
Men: "I like dogs."
Women: "I like cats."
Chinese: "Food is food."
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
Can I get a HOYA?
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.