Worst Jokes Ever
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."
Gf: "I luv u too."
Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."
Gf: "Ah, about that..."
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?
I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.