Worst Jokes Ever
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
Your forehead is so big, your face is on your chin.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
Butter believe it.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.