Worst Jokes Ever
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"Windows 10 shutting down."
Two baby seals walk into a club.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
What is the difference between Drake and Carrie Underwood?
Carrie Underwood kissed a 12-year-old boy on the lips.
Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
Two wind turbines were standing on a hill.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other one says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.