Worst Jokes Ever
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf....ftysrrtfgbjysou34w45pjr578v
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stop.
Stop who?
Stop posting stupid orphan jokes that have been posted on this site 10 times before!
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.