Worst Jokes Ever
I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
What is an orphan's family portrait called?
A self-portrait.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?
Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
We can't go under it...
We can't go over it...
We have to go through it!
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".