Worst Jokes Ever
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.
I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.
What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.