Worst Jokes Ever
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
My mom was 19 when she was pregnant with me, My mom was 39 when she was pregnant by me!!!
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.