Worst Jokes Ever
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Like if your best friend is emo.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What kind of games do they play in Africa? The hunger games.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only Juan.
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
Why do orphans drink water with cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!