Worst Jokes Ever
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
What does Michael Jackson like to eat? Little wieners.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "Daddy."
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.
Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.
School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.