Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Priest

639 views ·

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"

Nazi

130 views ·

What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.

Albert Einstein

39 views ·

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

Dog

61 views ·

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

Misunderstanding

55 views ·

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Nun

297 views ·

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.

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  • Baby

    10 views ·

    What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

    A baby with burst armbands.

    Orphan

    189 views ·

    Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.

    Woman

    30 views ·

    Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender