Worst Jokes Ever
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?
They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Q: What makes depressed kids jump?
A: Bridges.
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"