Worst Jokes Ever
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
I'm in the year 1930...
The Great Depression.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
What do you call a 90-year-old black man?
Antique farming equipment.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
Watching the 9/11 documentaries, just watching a kill cam.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
A: The homepage.
What do you call a gay Eskimo?
A snow blower.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
Rust in peace.
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)