Worst Jokes Ever
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
Imagine Africans during a solar eclipse...
I'm made with depression and extra anxiety, then a side of gay and a sprinkle of emo.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.
"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Drake."
"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."
"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What do you call the whole population turning into emos?
The Great Depression.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.