Worst Jokes Ever
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
Congrats to George Floyd on 2 years sobriety.
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A ffsshh.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because he got stuck in a crack.
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
Do you know Candice?
Nope.
Candice dick fit in your mouth.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "Daddy."
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
What did the north tower say to the south tower?
"Let’s talk later, I gotta catch a plane."
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.