Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Man

    • A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

    “Super Power Beer,” he says.

    “Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

    Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.

    “Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.

    Splat.

    The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”

  • 2

    • Heart

    • Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

    I keep it in a jar on my desk.

  • 3

    • Steroid

    • A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."

  • 0

    • Preschool

    • In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.

  • 1

    • Phone Call

    • One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

    "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

    Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

    "Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

    "No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

    "No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

    "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

    "Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

    "Okay daddy!"

    *long pause*

    "Okay daddy! I did it!"

    "Great job Sally! What did she say?"

    "Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

    Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

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    • Phone

    • A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

    Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

    The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

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    • Pussy

    • I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

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