Worst Jokes Ever
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
Flat Earthers
I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
What’s the best part about fucking an emo chick?... she's limited edition.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.