Worst Jokes Ever
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
Answer: A bath bomb.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master's degree.
What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?
An RCXD.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.