Worst Jokes Ever

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?

-"I want my quarterback."

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?

My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?

My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!

The songs: We understand you :)

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?

“They both blow heads.”

At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.

Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

Why did the boy get run over?

Sally was driving.

I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.

"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."

Call me Willma, will my balls fit ya mouth?

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"

Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."

Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"