Worst Jokes Ever
Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
The joke above me sucks.
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
Who are the fastest readers? The victims of 9/11. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.
It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself
Why do orphans like Batman? They are 50% like him.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.