Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.

Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he had someone to call a father.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

Why do orphans become hookers?

They can call someone daddy.

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."

What do you call someone smart and dead?

Stephen Hawking...

Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.

Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

How do you sink an American battleship?

Have the French build it.

Richard: Mom, someone called me gay.

Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across his face?

Richard: No, I couldn't.

Richard's mom: Why?

Richard: Because he was cute.

If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.

People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?

Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?

A: They are not wanted.

How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.