Worst Jokes Ever
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.