Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "No it doesn't."
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
What do you call a blind German shepherd?
A Nazi.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.
What’s wrong with a gay bbq?
All the hotdogs taste like shit.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.