Worst Jokes Ever
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
Hey guys, I’m back, just wondering if anyone is still on this that wants me to make more.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Because that’s the only love they get.
I made a website for orphans.
It doesn't have a home page.
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Why was the orphan so successful?
They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master's degree.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.