Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"