Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
What is boring? Talking about boring things.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.
Yo mama so fat Thanos had to clap.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."