Worst Jokes Ever

What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?

They both have barcodes.

Why did the girls sit on the clock?

To be on time.

One Erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

How many children does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw.

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing boeing boeing.

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

Congrats to George Floyd on 2 years sobriety.

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

How do orphans have a family reunion?

They use a Ouija board.

If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?