Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Uranus

131 views ·

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"

Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."

Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

Husband

91 views ·

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

  • 3
  • Rape

    5 views ·

    I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.

    Color

    520 views ·

    I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

    I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

    Idiot

    78 views ·

    One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

    After a minute, a boy stands up.

    The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

    The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

  • 9
  • Insult

    1 view ·

    If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.

    Mile

    11 views ·

    Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

    So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

    EpiPen

    12 views ·

    I have an EpiPen.

    My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

    It seemed really important to him that I have it.

    PTSD

    148 views ·

    So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?

    He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.

    Necrophilia

    374 views ·

    So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

    When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

    He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

    Orphan

    202 views ·

    Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.