Worst Jokes Ever
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.
Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.
But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.