Worst Jokes Ever
My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.
To whoever you are, you are loved.
What do you call a family photo taken by an orphan?
A selfie.
I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
Life's too short to want it.
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂
One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.