Worst Jokes Ever
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Why do cow milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder!
Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head N Shoulders.
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
Why can’t orphans go on school trips?
They need a parent signature.
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.