Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don't know what a full house is.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.
Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.
What do you call a Mexican's prison?
The border.
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is just a scoreboard.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
An old man gets a call from the IRS.
The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”