Worst Jokes Ever

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None. Feminists can't change anything.

I made a 3D game about a depressed, self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”

The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”

“Hot water?”

“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.

We all yelled "Rocket league!"

If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

What's the most common thing between Hitler and an emo?

Hitler knows when to kill himself!

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.

Call me an elevator, because I let people down.

My wife said if I don't get off the computer, she's gonna slam my head into the keyboard, but I think I'll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf.

Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"

I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...