Worst Jokes Ever
What is the one kind of work orphans donโt know? Homework.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. ๐
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.