Worst Jokes Ever
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.
If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
What flowers are on your face?
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.