Worst Jokes Ever
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't ever find home.
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show?
Family Guy.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?