Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the Xbox player cross the road? To render in the buildings.
My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."
"It's a strip steak, sir."
"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
What is a cow's favorite party game?
Moo-sical chairs!
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.