Worst Jokes Ever

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata

Where do otters come from? Otter space.

What do you call a gay Eskimo?

A snow blower.

Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Suicide.

What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?

"Meals on Wheels."

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?

Cutting-edge Technology.

How do emo kids complement each other?

They say, "I like ya cuts g."

What war did Africa not win? The water fight.

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

What's white and bloody?

Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.