Worst Jokes Ever

Where did Lucy go after the bombing?

Everywhere.

Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.

"You're an orphan forever," - Harry Potter.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

How do you punish blind kids?

Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?

The dinosaur once existed.

Feminists are a joke.

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

Official flag of Great Britain? The Union Jack.

Official flag of Australia? The Southern Cross.

Official flag of Canada? The Maple Leaf.

Official flag of Japan? The Sun.

Official flag of Orange County, California? The Nazi Symbol.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

Life is like a penis, women make it hard.

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.