Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
Why can't orphans go to Home Depot?
Because they do not have a home!
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.
What do you call a gay barbecue?
LGTBBQ.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
Guess what song this is from:
"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,
Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,
Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.
I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.