Worst Jokes Ever
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
Where does the keyboard go to dinner? The space bar.
Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.
Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?
Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"