Worst Jokes Ever

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

9/11 and Jenga are the same.

It's a controlled demolition.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

You leave the plunger in the toilet.

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.

What do maths and 9/11 have in common?

They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.

What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the first period.

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying ten pounds of crack.

What is the most famous dish in Africa?

Don't know, they haven't tried it yet.

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."