Worst Jokes Ever

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.

What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?

Trying to fit in.

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

Famous last words:

"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."

I visited the 9/11 memorial, that was bomb just like the towers.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

How did a blonde commit suicide?

She jumped from the basement window.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

Gan cube prices?

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.

What did the mute man tell the blind man?

Nothing.

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack.

you.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?

Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)