Worst Jokes Ever
Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb. I said, "Awww, are you an orphan?" He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.
Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?
Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to go to KFC.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."