Worst Jokes Ever
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".