Worst Jokes Ever
What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?
From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
what is the fastest country? iran.
Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon an old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad, shaking his head. He walked up to the old farmer and asked him what's wrong. The old farmer said, "My mule, he just won't do nothing. He don't work anymore, always looking sad, barely eats, just sad." Little Johnny said, "Can I go talk to him?" "Sure," the old farmer said, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went back in the barn, saw the mule just sad, and sighing. A few minutes later, Little Johnny came out and said, "Your mule is fixed." The old farmer ran in, and saw the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing. "Thank you, thank you," the old farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way. Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon the old farmer again, looking sad. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny asked. "It's my mule again. Ever since you talked to him, he won't do nothing, he won't work, just laughing all day. What did you say?" "Can I go in and talk to him again?" Little Johnny asked. "Sure," said the old farmer, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. "Your mule is fixed, sir." The old farmer went in and saw the mule crying, crying really hard. The old farmer came running out of the barn, "Hey boy! What did you say to my mule? One day he's sad, then laughing, now he's crying. Just what did you say to my mule?" Little Johnny smiled and answered, "Well, the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his; this time I showed it to him."
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.