Worst Jokes Ever
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
Boner.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.