Worst Jokes Ever

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?

Special head.

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”

I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

I once told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man because he is far from home.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.

What did the cow say?

Moo!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

I'm not racist, I have a colored TV.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?

Fingering A minor.