Worst Jokes Ever
YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
Cousins make dozens.
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
What is the part of school with all the autistic people called? Downtown.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."