Worst Jokes Ever

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!

How do parents punish their blind kids?

They re-arrange the furniture.

What did the cow say?

Moo!

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."

The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"

The doctor calmly replies "Nine".

My wife said if I don't get off the computer, she's gonna slam my head into the keyboard, but I think I'll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf.

A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

"Pikachu, I choose you!"

Society: :-)

I: :')

Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')

I: :'D

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Where did the sheep get a haircut?

At the baa-baa shop.