Worst Jokes Ever
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.
9/11 is the biggest game of Jenga... ;)
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
I told the emo girl to stop playing fruit ninja on her wrists.
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.
Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.