Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

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  • They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

    A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

    You need to be a complete dick.

    A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

    So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

    What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!

    How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

    To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

    You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

    Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.

    You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

    Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

    American: Self defense.

    Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?