Worst Jokes Ever
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.
What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Teacher: I was an orphan once.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
All these jokes are pen-ful to read.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"