Worst Jokes Ever
School shooting happens:
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk.
American student: “First time?”
The student from Irak with an AK47: "RAtatata..."
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?
She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because there would be no home base.
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.