Worst Jokes Ever
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?