Worst Jokes Ever
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
My gf dumped me, so I took her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.