Worst Jokes Ever
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Wanna know what is offensive? I don't know, ask feminist (sans undertale).
What do you call a family photo taken by an orphan?
A selfie.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought you were his brother.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
A horse walks into a bar.
Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.