Worst Jokes Ever
I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.
I apologize for my grammar.
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
Bees don't sting Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris stings bees.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
911 jokes usually go over my head.
Then it hits me.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.