Worst Jokes Ever
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
Why are mountains never serious?
Because they’re hill areas.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.