Worst Jokes Ever

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?

dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.

morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.

What instrument can a skeleton never play?

An organ.

What was Hitler's lucky number?

Nein.

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!

What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?

They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"

Yo mama so ugly even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.