Worst Jokes Ever
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
Seriously, who wants fucking Annoying Orange as president?
I made a video game about a depressed, self-harming goth.
It's mostly unskippable cutscenes though... :/
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.
Orphan: They're dead.
Me: A promise made is a promise kept.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
"what's that on your wrist?"
"I'm a cutting board. duh"
What can an Olympic runner do that Hitler can't?
Finish a race.
Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
They had better reflexes than the trading center.