Worst Jokes Ever
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...
...I told him to lighten up.
Hillary Clinton
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?