Worst Jokes Ever
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!
Like if you have a dad.
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".
Gwen, why are you so nice?
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
because they'll never make it home.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."