Worst Jokes Ever
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
Yes, I'm CUTE.
C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What’s an orphan's favorite drink?
Fosters.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A ffsshh.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.