Worst Jokes Ever

How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.

Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.

Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

Why is the rum gone?

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

What do you call a person with no arms?

Armless.

No, it's harmless.

I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.

I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.

He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.

I have a funny joke: my life.

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

Who says white people can't jump?

Have you seen the 911 footage?

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.

My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.

The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

Bend over and spell run.