Worst Jokes Ever
What part of a computer system does an orphan not have?
A motherboard.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow
The IRS came to this man's house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money that's been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man thought, "Maybe I need to get a lawyer." So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down, and the agent said, "There has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account, and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it." The man says, "Yes, I do. I'm a gambler." The agent says, "You gamble with that much money?" The man says, "Yes, I'll give you an example. Alright, I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my left eye." Agent says, "Alright, deal." The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agent says, "That's not fair." The man says, "I'll let you get your money back, or even more. I bet you $7,500 I can bite my right eye." The agent, thinking, "I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick," so the agent says, "Deal." The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says, "That's not fair." The man replies, "Alright, I have another one. You're down $12,500. I'll bet you $15,000, if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room, I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere." The agent says, "That's impossible, you've got a deal." The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk, and the agent says, "I got you!" He's laughing and happy that he finally beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face, and the agent asked, "What's wrong with you?" and the lawyer replies, "The man bet me $100,000 he could piss on your desk, and you'd just love it."
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
What is a briefcase?
A short lawsuit.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.