Worst Jokes Ever
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
What is black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
What makes emos jump?
Bridges.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.