Worst Jokes Ever
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
Why do cow milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder!
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?
A: A creepy crawly.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!
I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.