Worst Jokes Ever
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?
Answer: A chalkboard.
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
Q: What’s a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.