Worst Jokes Ever
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
Boom, it went.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
So they can be wanted for once.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a table, and chairs.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
Why can't orphans eat chips?
Because they come in family size.
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
Nothing.
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.