Worst Jokes Ever
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
Me: "I like kids."
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date? Because he was 2 squared.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
What's the most played game in Africa? Hunger Games.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR