Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Gun

94 views ·

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.

  • 5
  • Cultural misunderstanding

    36 views ·

    A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

    He bought a home on a small piece of land.

    The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

    He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

    Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

    Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

    Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

    A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

    The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

    The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

    "What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

    "Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"

  • 3
  • Morning

    61 views ·

    This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

    I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

    So I did...

    I don't remember much after that.

    Mayo

    505 views ·

    You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.

    I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."

  • 4
  • Rape

    55 views ·

    Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

    Spiderman

    503 views ·

    What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?

    They both have no way home!

    Weakness

    37 views ·

    Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

    Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

    Guardian

    116 views ·

    If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

    Trampoline

    40 views ·

    "I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

  • 0
  • Seatbelt

    118 views ·

    Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

    A. A seatbelt.

    Baby

    130 views ·

    What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

    One screams when I peel its skin off.

    Room

    45 views ·

    My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

  • 7
  • Baby

    10 views ·

    What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

    A baby with burst armbands.