Worst Jokes Ever
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.