Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
Guys, don’t let nobody hurt you with words.
Like someone once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.
1 like = 1 more child in my basement.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.