Worst Jokes Ever
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
what do you call 6 gay men in WWII?
Rainbow Six Siege.
A depressed boy went to high five a tree, guess what the tree did?
The tree left him hanging.
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
I got kicked out of a library because I put a book about women's rights into the fantasy section.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
what was sally's role in a football game? the football ;-;
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.