Worst Jokes Ever

Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))

What do you call a fat Chinese man?

A double chinkey.

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

How do mountains see? They peek.

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"

What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?

Ice, Ice Baby!!