Worst Jokes Ever

Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.

I'm sweating like Michael Jackson at a kindergarten.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.

Why are fish easy to measure?

Because they bring their own scales.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain.

Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.

What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?

They know how to get a beat down.

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

What do you call a man off the ground?

Hanged.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?

Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.