Worst Jokes Ever
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
I made a website for an orphanage. For some reason, it doesn't have a home page.
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
What were the terrorist of 9/11 thinking?
We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we'll have to go through it.
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.