Worst Jokes Ever
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.
Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.
Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.
All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.