Worst Jokes Ever

Butter believe it.

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.

Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a Shitzu.

School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.

How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.

Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik’s cubes?

Because they have a history of separating colors.

Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"