Worst Jokes Ever
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
Mary had a little lamb. Chick, chick, bam! No more lamb.
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because it has no home button.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."