Worst Jokes Ever
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
What do you call a homeless Hitler?
A roofless dictator.
The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the World Trade Center.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.