Worst Jokes Ever
What pictures do orphans take? Selfies.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.