Worst Jokes Ever
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.