Worst Jokes Ever

*School shooting happens* Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk* American student: "First time?"

Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide Squad!

I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"