Worst Jokes Ever
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
What do you call depressed Sesame Street?
Emo's World.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
We should really stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad.
What made me laugh?
The fact that my life is a joke."
What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?
White vans.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.