Worst Jokes Ever
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every scene has a cast!
Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree?
A: It left him/her/them hanging.
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
Where do otters come from? Otter space.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken next to him farted.
Dark humor is just like water,
some people get it, some people don't.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.