Worst Jokes Ever
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.