Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."

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    • What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?

    Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.

    Does it cycle now?

  • 0

    • Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

    Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

    "Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

    "Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

    When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

    The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

    After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

    "How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

  • 1

    • How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.

    Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!

    Your move, Ron DeSantis.

  • 1

    • Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.

  • 1

    • Teacher: What does a pig give you?

    Little Johnny: Bacon.

    Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

    Little Johnny: Wool.

    Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

    Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".

    Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

    One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

    In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

    The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

    In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

    The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

    In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

    The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

    Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

  • 1

    • What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

    The apple gets picked.

    Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."

    His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"