Worst Jokes Ever
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?
You can hear a hormone.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.