Worst Jokes Ever
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A trash can in a baby.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
I see you guys have SANS-ational jokes!
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.
Depression hits harder than my dad.
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.