Worst Jokes Ever

What do sheep wear to the beach?

A baa-kini.

Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications.

I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!

I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"

Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?

If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"

I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

Master has given Dobby a Glock. Dobby is Thug.

What instrument can a skeleton never play?

An organ.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars... that's why there are no signs of life there.