Worst Jokes Ever
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white kid?
Two wongs don't make a white.
I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Cause every play has a cast.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?
There are Targets everywhere.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.