Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."
Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What do you call a united cow?
United Steaks.
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.
Now they call him Hot Wheels.
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.