Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon an old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad, shaking his head. He walked up to the old farmer and asked him what's wrong. The old farmer said, "My mule, he just won't do nothing. He don't work anymore, always looking sad, barely eats, just sad." Little Johnny said, "Can I go talk to him?" "Sure," the old farmer said, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went back in the barn, saw the mule just sad, and sighing. A few minutes later, Little Johnny came out and said, "Your mule is fixed." The old farmer ran in, and saw the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing. "Thank you, thank you," the old farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way. Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon the old farmer again, looking sad. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny asked. "It's my mule again. Ever since you talked to him, he won't do nothing, he won't work, just laughing all day. What did you say?" "Can I go in and talk to him again?" Little Johnny asked. "Sure," said the old farmer, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. "Your mule is fixed, sir." The old farmer went in and saw the mule crying, crying really hard. The old farmer came running out of the barn, "Hey boy! What did you say to my mule? One day he's sad, then laughing, now he's crying. Just what did you say to my mule?" Little Johnny smiled and answered, "Well, the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his; this time I showed it to him."
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Which bees produce milk?
Boobies.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
Because they're shellfish!
There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.