Worst Jokes Ever
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?
He is waiting for his dad with the milk.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
What’s the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
Why does Michael Jackson like Doge Miner? He thinks it's about minors dressed in doge costumes.
Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.