Worst Jokes Ever
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
I don't like the word "gun".
Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
how do u make a emo kid jump? a bridge.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
Turns out Christopher was adopted.
What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
Nothing.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.