Worst Jokes Ever
After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
*School shooting happens.*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*
American student: "First time?"
Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"
American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
The twin towers were like my parents... They never came back.
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They're both pointless.
Like if you have balls.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
What do you call a feminist with a rape whistle? Delusional and optimistic.
I'm in the year 1930...
The Great Depression.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.