Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
"_____ abortion clinic, you rape it, we scrape it.
_____ sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it."
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.