Worst Jokes Ever
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream
Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
Yo mama so fat, she was the iceberg that sank the Titanic.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.
Helen Keller walked into a bar.
Then a table.
Then a chair.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!