Worst Jokes Ever
God's racist. He separated light from dark.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.