Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

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  • I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

    "I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

    "Boxing?"

    "No, ... hurdles."

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  • What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

    Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

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  • What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?

    Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!

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  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

    Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

    If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

    I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

    The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

    The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

    The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

    "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

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  • How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.