Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Girl

77 views ·

A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”

Doctor

145 views ·

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

  • 8
  • Patient

    404 views ·

    A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

    She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

    "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

    "Are - my - test - results - back?"

    Reader

    3 views ·

    Who are the world's fastest readers?

    The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.

    Lighthouse

    91 views ·

    The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:

    "Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."

    The commander starts answering:

    "No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"

    "Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"

    "Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"

    After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:

    "In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"

    Ex

    1653 views ·

    My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

    Suicide

    21 views ·

    [Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

    [Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

    Teacher

    41 views ·

    A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

    The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

    The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

    *Principal:* What is 3+3?

    *Boy:* 6.

    *Principal:* 6+6.

    *Boy:* 12.

    The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

    *Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

    *Boy:* Legs.

    *Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?

    *Boy:* Pockets.

    *Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

    *Boy:* Coconut.

    *Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

    The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

    *Boy:* Bubble gum.

    *Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

    *Boy:* Tent.

    *The principal was looking restless*

    *Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

    *Boy:* Wedding ring.

    *Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

    *Boy:* Nose.

    *Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

    *Boy:* Arrow.

    *Principal:* O MY GOD.

    *Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

    *Boy:* Fork.

    *Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

    *Boy:* Surname.

    *Principal:* Ohooo !

    *Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

    *Boy:* Heart.

    *Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

    Dollar

    1706 views ·

    Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

    Forehead

    81 views ·

    Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.

  • 6
  • Suicide

    339 views ·

    I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder