Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?

Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.

What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?

My clothes don't hang themselves...

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.

Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.

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  • Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.

    Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.

    I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

    "I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

    "Boxing?"

    "No, ... hurdles."

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