Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.
Dark jokes are like water; some people just don't get it.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
I can find the end of time before I find your hairline.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
Seriously, who wants fucking Annoying Orange as president?
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.