Worst Jokes Ever
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.
It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at Halloween.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
What made me laugh?
The fact that my life is a joke."
At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A stoner has papers.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Dark, rich, and imported.