Worst Jokes Ever

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?

A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.

Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.

What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.

What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.

So I treat everyone like garbage.

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.