Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?

They're both pointless.

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

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  • I bought a guh on the weekend.

    (what's a guh?)

    GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

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  • I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

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  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.

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  • Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.

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  • What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?

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  • Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.

    Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.

    Person 2: I know how to fix that!

    ... Next day person commits suicide...

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