Worst Jokes Ever
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Why do you call a fat midget?
Jiggly Puff.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
1273. Depression got the best of me. I'm gonna cry in my room now.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
When people make accounts about you and a category.
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.