Worst Jokes Ever

I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you

I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.

I made a website for orphans.

It doesn't have a home page.

I'm sweating like Michael Jackson at a kindergarten.

If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?

- Mommy, I want a bicycle!

- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?

A cherry float.

"I will Always Love You!"

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

Me: Wow, they found the body already?

Dad: :/

I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.

What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

It got pissed off.

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.

Define abnormal life.

Waking up every day living a sane life!

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.