Worst Jokes Ever
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:
https://schlechtewitze.com
Life is like a penis, women make it hard.
Women suck (GET IT?!)
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.