Worst Jokes Ever
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
My name is Joe Biden, and I forgot this message.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
Why do four polish heteroflexable men like to suck on four of the cow's udders? Because a bull has only one.