Worst Jokes Ever
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn鈥檛 opened the box.
Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?
Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.
Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.
Wanna hear a joke about the Flash?
"Never mind, it's too fast."
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.
A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"
Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
9/11 jokes aren't funny. They are just plane wrong.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.