Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?
The New York Jets.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.