Worst Jokes Ever
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."
Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:
Bullys are depressed.
Nerds are depressed.
Bad girls/boys are depressed.
Kind humans are depressed.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
My dad went out for milk. It's been 15 years and I still have to eat my cereal dry.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Yo hairline was used as the blueprint for the Great Wall of China.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
My grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology." I said, "We will see about that," and I unplugged his life support.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!