Worst Jokes Ever
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
Why does Michael Jackson like to play ping pong or table tennis? He likes to play with the little balls.
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.