Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
What do Polish people in Poland use chop sticks for?
tweezers.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
There was a power outage.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
I wanna die.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?