Worst Jokes Ever
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
Why was the clown sad?
He broke his funny bone. PS: "funny bone" is not actually a bone.
What do you call a physically handicapped heterosexual man that is in a wheelchair and German?
A physically handicapped promiscuous heterosexual man that is German.
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.