Worst Jokes Ever

Son: Dad, am I adopted?

Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?

Best political joke... Joe Biden.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do, child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

One makes your day and one makes your whole week.

Why does USA suck at Clash Royale? They already lost two towers.

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.

They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.

Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

Where do cows get their medicine?

At the farmacy.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.