Worst Jokes Ever
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
My sister told me a joke.
All she said was "my life."
What goes up and down but stays in the same place?
Stairs.
Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
Dream: Speedruns Minecraft.
Technoblade: Speedruns Life.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.