Worst Jokes Ever
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere.
A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."