
Worst Jokes Ever
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
What type of pizza did the twin towers order?
Plain.
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
Why is 10 afraid? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
I unfriended Paul Walker on Xbox because he was always on the dashboard.
Can a box match? No, but a tin can.