Worst Jokes Ever
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?
Tropical depressions.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Old man: I ran over five miles today.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
How does a cow become invisible? -- Through camooflage.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.