Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? De-calf-inated.
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Nah, he got nailed...
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.