Worst Jokes Ever

The reason why people are short is because their dad never came back with the milk.

Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."

Why did you go depressed?

Because you’re you.

What is the difference between me and a knife?

The knife has a point.

Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

My ex-wife still misses me...

BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Guy: "What's the bad news?"

Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

Guy: "Good news?"

Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.

Helen Keller deaf-initely faked it!

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

What is an orphan's favorite song? "Lost Boy."

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.