Worst Jokes Ever
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.