Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut itself.
What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Any game: "Are you a boy or a girl?"
Non-binary people: *cries*
"You're an orphan forever," - Harry Potter.
Hillary Clinton
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."
Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.