Worst Jokes Ever
Once I tried to catch some fog.
I mist.
Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.