Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?
Hot Wheels.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Imagine Africans during a solar eclipse...
What would an orphan priest call himself?
Father Les.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.
Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.