Worst Jokes Ever
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Yo' mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.