Worst Jokes Ever
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
Yo mama is so fat Thanos snapped twice.
I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
a family photo.
Fishermen are the best at networking.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.