Worst Jokes Ever
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.
What did the north tower say to the south tower?
"You're too young to smoke."
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
Like if your dad is abusive.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
What type of flour do orphans use?
- Self-raising.
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
What do you call a rich Asian?
Cha-ching!
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?
They both smell like "Teen Spirit."
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind
Woah, nice cock.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.