Worst Jokes Ever
Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.