Worst Jokes Ever
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? A. Depends how thin you slice them.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
Segma says, "32!"
Ligma Says, "And?"
Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Frankey.
Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?
He can't choose between black or white.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".