Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
My therapist once said, "time heals all wounds." So I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two, but now it's just a sensitive subject.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.