Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink? A dipresso espresso.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
What is the most famous dish in Africa?
Don't know, they haven't tried it yet.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is!
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.