Worst Jokes Ever
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
Yo mama is so ugly, when she took a bath, the water jumped out.
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.