Worst Jokes Ever

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

How do you know your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

What's the difference between cake and pie?

πr2, cakes are round.

I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.

"What do we want?" "HEARING AIDS!" "When do we want them?" "HEARING AIDS!"

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.

Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"

What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?

Little boys' pants half off.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil? One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...

What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.

Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"