Worst Jokes Ever
He's not really dead, his update failed.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?
A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage :)
This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.