Worst Jokes Ever
What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe?
White Vans.
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
I made a website for orphans.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
What is the Twin Towers' least favorite song? "I'm Still Standing."
I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.