Worst Jokes Ever
My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.
Fun fact: Most of the black holes in the universe are found in Africa!
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
How do you execute a retard?
The Electric Wheelchair.
What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
The F in orphan stands for family.
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.