Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Orphan

168 views ·

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

Crocodile

16 views ·

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

Wrestler

323 views ·

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”

The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”

Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”

With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”

“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”

“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”

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  • Problem

    4 views ·

    The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

    CPR

    21 views ·

    I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

    Rape

    206 views ·

    I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

    Trans

    68 views ·

    There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

    Suicide

    32 views ·

    Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

    Dave: No.

    Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

    Ex

    46 views ·

    Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

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  • Gay

    450 views ·

    What’s the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?

    A straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-do!"

    A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do!"

    Receptionist

    681 views ·

    A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.

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