Worst Jokes Ever
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
Where do keyboards go to have dinner?
The space bar!!!
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.