Worst Jokes Ever

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.

What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?

Condoms.

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.

We all yelled "Rocket league!"

Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"

September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.

Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.