Worst Jokes Ever
Fortnite Battle Pass.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
Q.) What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A.) A family stump.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public?
because the french government was using the guillotine in public on newborn baby boys for circumcision.
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.