Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a German man who can't see?
A not see.
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?
To drown herself.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Gays: "I like men."
Straight: "I like women."
Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.
What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
New York Jets.