Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.
Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?
When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.
I groomed 2 minors today.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?
A. System of a Down's syndrome.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.