Worst Jokes Ever

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

What game do zombies like to play?

Corpse and Robbers.

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Yo mama so fat, she wears Orion's belt!

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

I like my women how I like my wine.

14 years aged and locked in a cellar.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

All the Muslims are pissed off because 24 hours after Chuck Norris went to heaven there were no more virgins left.

What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?

A Kit Kat.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.