Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?
KMS.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.
But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.
What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Blue Takis?
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
What did the nut chasing the other nut say? "I'mma cashew!"
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.