Worst Jokes Ever
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
An Irish-man walks out of a bar.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?
Minesweeper.
Why do orphans only have 363 days?
They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.