Worst Jokes Ever

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: You're both!

Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.

I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.

If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.

Why do gay people like sports?

Because they get to play with balls.

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.