Worst Jokes Ever
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?
Drool.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Wanna hear some famous last words?
"We are just experiencing some turbulence."
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.