Worst Jokes Ever
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
Answer: A bath bomb.
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
What’s the best time to commit suicide?
8 a’glock in the morning.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.
Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.