Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Lottery

  • I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

    I now have $999,999.75.

  • 2
  • Letter

  • I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

    But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

  • 2
  • Suicide

  • I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

  • 1
  • Hooker

  • What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

  • 0
  • Julius Caesar

  • You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

    You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

  • 5
  • Sleep

  • Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

    Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

  • 0
  • Moon

  • I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.

    Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."

  • 6
  • Vampire

  • Me: *stabs vampire*

    Wife: omg

    Me: *beats vampire to death*

    Wife: OMG

    Me: What?

    Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

    Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

  • 2
  • Sperm

  • How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

    When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

  • 3