Worst Jokes Ever
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?
Sometimes, stairs get me down.
School shooting happens:
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk.
American student: “First time?”
The student from Irak with an AK47: "RAtatata..."
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.
The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
Withered Bonnie, more like Bonnie Mcnutt!