Worst Jokes Ever

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?

E.T. eventually went home!

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.

I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?

"Meals on Wheels."

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?