Worst Jokes Ever
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
I rate you a 9/11.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.
how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?
kick his sister in the jaw
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.