Worst Jokes Ever

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.

Why did the astronaut return to Earth?

She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

What do you call a dead parrot?

Polygon.

Yo mama so fat, she plays ping pong with the planets.

Priest

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Cause every play has a cast.

2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

I groomed 2 minors today.

There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.

Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.

Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.

In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.

I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.