Worst Jokes Ever
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?
Flat neck road.
Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael Jackson.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
What is a little zombie's favorite stuffed animal?
It's a deady bear.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.