Worst Jokes Ever
Why was 10 afraid?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
Humanity.
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight."
Her friend said "No, it's 666-3629."
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!
I stole one's balls.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have no balls, neither will you. 🔪🔪
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
An Irish-man walks out of a bar.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"