Worst Jokes Ever
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
I am the grand wizard, mak.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree.
Too bad he left him hanging.
Why can't Hitler join track?
Because he can't even finish a race.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.