Worst Jokes Ever
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.
What do you call an emo a cappella group?
Self harmony.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
You're so poor you wash paper plates.
I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...
All I got was "error 404 page not found."
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
My fish can break dance. Only for 20 seconds and only once.
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."