Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call depressed Sesame Street?
Emo's World.
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
At baseball practice...
"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"
"No, but I got two right here."
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.