Worst Jokes Ever

What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

BTW, I am one, wahahaa!

I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.

Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.

At baseball practice...

"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"

"No, but I got two right here."

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.

Why did the depressed kid cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

I hate it when disabled people get bullied...

... because they can't stand up for themselves.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.

Why can't orphans have babies?

Because they have no one to call daddy.