Worst Jokes Ever
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.
I've sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there's no space on their training program.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones.
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.