Worst Jokes Ever
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the fastest thing in the world?
James Charles when he sees little boys.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What college can Stephen Hawking not attend?
"Stand" Ford University. :3
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
The more emos there are, the less emos there are.
Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.