Worst Jokes Ever
Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.
Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.
Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.
The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.
Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...
I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!