Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite place to eat?
A: Schools because there is a wide variety of choices.
If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."
Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
Boy Scout...
- A kid who dressed like an idiot.
- An idiot who dressed like a kid.