Worst Jokes Ever
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"
Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."
Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"
Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"
Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."
Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"
Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."
Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"
Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"
Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."
Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because there would be no home base.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?