Worst Jokes Ever
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?
I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
I'm logging out.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
How are mountains able to see? They peak!
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!