Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
Your forehead is so big your inner thoughts echo.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?
They both died at 95.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Hi, I'm new.
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.