Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?

They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.

A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.

A quiet kid brings an MP5.

Why do people love dating orphans?

Because they're always home alone.

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

Why was the orphan single? Because it could not call someone "daddy".

I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.

I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.

Why?

So it would cut itself.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

What do you call a depressed group of kids?

Suicide squad.

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."