Worst Jokes Ever
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
It's better to cum in the sink than to sink in the cum.
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.
Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.