Worst Jokes Ever
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
They say they'll stay, but I left first.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.
She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
Why does Michael Jackson like Doge Miner? He thinks it's about minors dressed in doge costumes.
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Spread your legs and give me an hour.
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...