Worst Jokes Ever
Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?
Because he can't run home.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Orphans don't like family sized chips, I wonder why.
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
A: Nothing! He was hung over.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
How do you win an argument against an emo?
Kick the chair!
Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
Proof that 9/11 isn't a government plot.
It worked.
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!