Worst Jokes Ever
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
The Arabian Sea is in which state?
Liquid.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
What did the rope say to me?
"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay man's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
The three unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.