Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
What do you call a special police officer?
Officer down!
Your mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?
Hot Wheels.
Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.