Worst Jokes Ever
Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."
What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.