Worst Jokes Ever
I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
Why did Michael Jackson allow little boys to sleep in his house? Because he's bad.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
What's an orphan's favorite band?
Foster the People 😂
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
Spell "I cup." It's funny.
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
David? Mitosis.