Worst Jokes Ever
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that know binary and those that don't.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
What do you call a 90-year-old black man?
Antique farming equipment.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.