Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.
911 jokes usually go over my head.
Then it hits me.
Why couldn't George Floyd become a Demon Slayer?
Because he couldn't breathe.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."