Worst Jokes Ever
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."
What store does an orphan hate?
Family Tree.
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
Orphans maybe got phones, but they don't have a home button.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?
Neither did she.
I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
How do you fuck a cow?
Find the nearest Karen.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!