Worst Jokes Ever

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.

Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot.

I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

Why was Michael Jackson at Kmart?

He heard they had little boys' pants 1/2 off.

What do you call a white duck?

A quacker.

Dark humor is like water.

Not everybody gets it.

I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.

I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest

Obama was America's first black president, and Trump was their first orange one.

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

After a while, a student stands up.

Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)