Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't orphans eat chips?
Because they come in family size.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a drawer?
The drawer has papers.
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.