Fall Jokes

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

Because she didn't have any arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student: The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

How to fall down stairs.

Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.

What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.

What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."

An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

The apple because the emo kid got caught by the rope

Me: want to play 911

My little brother: what’s that

Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall

What do you call a drunk depressed man that skydives?

Splattered.

Why did little sally fall of the swings? Because she had no arms What did sally get for Christmas? Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box

Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!

Your move, Ron DeSantis.

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”