Putin jokes
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅
What is Vladimir Putin's favorite song?
Answer: Crimea River!
Just told Putin to get some b*tches.
Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
UkRanInE
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
Putin's Brain:
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
Trump likes to grab 'em by the pussy. Putin likes to grab them by their tiny hands.
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?
"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"
Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"
So, Biden, Zelensky, and Putin are on a plane, and the plane loses altitude and goes down, but there are 2 parachutes. Putin takes the first one and jumps because he is a greedy twat. So he jumps, but then Biden says, "You go, Zelensky. I am much older than you, and it is ok for me to die." So Zelensky takes the second one and jumps, but when he did, the plane regains altitude, and Biden got to Washington, DC, all fine. They found out the reason was Zelensky's steel balls.