Worst Jokes Ever

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?

A. A lamb slide.

I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.

Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?

IHOP.

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?

Answer: Hair Force One!

I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"

I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.