Worst Jokes Ever
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
I got kicked out of the library because I put the woman's right book in the non-fiction section.
What is the difference between hungry and horny?
The cucumber goes to different places.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair with a speaker?
Rolling Loud 🎸🎸
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
What do you call an Asian telephone?
Ling Ling.
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."