Mood jokes
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.
Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
Like if you know someone is emo and comment "emo🇷🇺."
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.
C'mon guys, I know I'm not the only bored one around here!
Why is it bad to high five an emo?
They will leave themselves hanging.
How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
A person could build a playground with your mood swings.
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
What has only one sense of style?
An emo girl.
What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
Why is emo grass better than normal grass?
Emo grass is gonna cut themself.
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"