Speed jokes
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What is an epileptic's least favorite superhero? The Flash.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
Why are planes the fastest readers? Because they went through 100 stories in 20 seconds.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
He is so fast that he broke the internet for the whole world when he ran.
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?
Girl, you and slow are slower than a fairness.
The cheetah and lion are racing. The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "Man, you a cheetah."
The cheetah says, "Nah, you lion!"
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.