Speed jokes
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What is an epileptic's least favorite superhero? The Flash.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
Why are planes the fastest readers? Because they went through 100 stories in 20 seconds.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
He is so fast that he broke the internet for the whole world when he ran.
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?
Girl, you and slow are slower than a fairness.
The cheetah and lion are racing. The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "Man, you a cheetah."
The cheetah says, "Nah, you lion!"