Speed jokes
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims – they went 89 stories in ten seconds.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”
What do you call a fast boat?
Usain Boat.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.