Speed jokes
It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”
What do you call a fast boat?
Usain Boat.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
I sexually identify as kilometers per second.
Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.
What’s red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
How fast does 173 move?
Breakneck speeds!
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
Speed.
Why did the cheetah lose in chess? Because he played against cheetahs!
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"
The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"
He said, "No, because you're black."
Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.