Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
died and came back sped. i call that rien-tardation
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 your got to turn around.
Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What is an epileptic's least favorite superhero? The Flash.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
Why do cheetah always win the race because he cheats duh
