Speed

Speed jokes

Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.

I sexually identify as kilometers per second.

Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?

Telephone? No.

Television? No.

How then? Tell a woman!

Why did the cheetah lose in chess? Because he played against cheetahs!

Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."

There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"

The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"

He said, "No, because you're black."

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---